Official In Girl World Halloween Is The One Night A Year When A Girl Can Dress Like A Total Slut T Shirt Sweater

The alarm screamed at 6:00 AM, a death metal riff that did nothing to soften the blow of Monday. Coffee was brewing, but it smelled suspiciously burnt, a grim omen for the day ahead. Toast popped up, landing butter-side down, naturally. My son, dressed as a miniature Darth Vader (it was October, close enough to Halloween), was demanding waffles. My daughter, a vision in glitter and tangled hair, was searching frantically for her unicorn headband.

Then, the doorbell. It was my neighbor, looking harried. “Honey, I think I accidentally grabbed your laundry last night,” she said, holding up a balled-up pile of clothes. And there it was. Peeking out from the chaos, the infamous “Official In Girl World Halloween Is The One Night A Year When A Girl Can Dress Like A Total Slut T Shirt Sweater.” I’d unearthed it from the depths of my closet for a themed party years ago and clearly hadn’t laundered it since.

My daughter gasped, eyes wide. Darth Vader started chanting, “Slut! Slut! Slut!” I snatched the offending garment away, shoving it into the laundry basket with a muttered, “Not now, sweetie. We’re late!” Monday, you were a winner.

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